I have got to admit it, I am not in a good place this week. Tired, in a funk, dreading the daily trek to the cubicle, my mind is churning with possibilities, but my body and soul are exhausted. I wan to be gone~ floating down the Nile, drinking an ice cold Corona on the beaches of Mexico, slurping street noodles in Asia. I want to be anywhere else.
There are, of course, the usual suspects; the long, dark, very cold nights is for one. With the holidays fast approaching I am ambivalent, feeling neither excited nor ready to celebrate. I feel chronically tired, as though I am never getting enough sleep, even as I truly spent all of Sunday in couch potato fashion. I am, quite simply, in a rut.
Our schedule over the past few months has been hectic, to be sure. Coupled with our long work/commute days, every single weekend has been packed full since, in a shocking glance at the calendar, the first weekend of August. This pace is enough to require a mental and physical break from it all, but I know it’s more. I am rapidly reaching the same point I was at in 2007, so fed up with my job that I am barely able to drag myself in each day. Gloomily viewing the stacks of work in front of me with mere disinterest. Complaining about never having enough time, and yet having to force myself to sit down and write this blog when there is time.
November is traditionally the season of gratitude. In an attempt to not further feed the dark recesses of my mind, already in funk, I have been avoiding facing these feelings. I have been driving forward full force towards a goal, while getting nowhere because of procrastination. I have been making, or at the very least, participating in plans, when I know that what I truly want is to simply run away with Jim and the black dogs in the camper with no set plans.
All that changes next week. In spite of my best intentions, we do have plans for this weekend. Sometimes in life you do need to simply suck it up and put on your big girl pants. When invited to the beach for the weekend with Jim’s sister Wendy, her husband Ken, and their own fur babies, to celebrate Ken’s birthday how could we say no? Best friends sometimes just go with the flow because, well, that is what best friends do. Sleeping in, long walks on the beach, and the joy of friendship will surely cause me to come away more refreshed.
A short week and long weekend camping for the Thanksgiving holiday will be the final salve to soothe my weary soul. I know we are on the right path. I know we are heading to the right road to the life of our dreams. I know it is taking way to damn long to get there and yet, life is all about the journey, not the destination. I am well aware, having chosen the nomadic path before, that there are no easy answers, and no perfect life. While here, I am chomping at the bit, struggling with the day-to-day before the next big goodbye. But I am fully cognizant of the fact that, when back on the road, these are the moments I’ll miss. The comforts of home are many, the relationships with friends and family real and precious.
I am excited for the future. Excited to continue to push towards the dream. Excited to live a Life on Fire, as my friend Kim writes in her book of the same title. Excited to see what the new year ahead brings. But, today, I am also excited to have broken out of my funk to acknowledge that life is pretty darn sweet. And to face each day with gratitude, I simply need to focus my time on those things I will miss somewhere further down the road.